First Love Second Chance Read online

  I hadn’t seen her since that summer we spent together. The thought of seeing her again did things to my heart that I didn’t like. It had been too long. Too fucking long. No amount of drugs and alcohol in the world could ease the ache in my chest when it came to Ava.

  In all truth, I had accepted Dean’s wedding invitation because I knew Ava would be a bridesmaid.

  I just had to get past a few obstacles if I wanted to talk to her. Then again, I wasn’t confident that I could survive another reunion with anyone. Dean would understand if I bailed on the wedding. Probably. I got the sense that he had argued with Emily about inviting me in the first place because she didn’t want me here for good reason. I couldn’t ditch him now.

  “Look what we have here.”

  “Speaking of unwanted reunions,” I muttered, turning to face my father for the first time in years. “What do you want?”

  The years had not been kind to Billy Jacobs. He hunched over a cane as he shuffled toward me. His clothes smelled dirty and unwashed. I wrinkled my nose to contain my disgust. His face was yellow, too, from years of heavy drinking. Cirrhosis of the liver. That’s what my mom had told me after their divorce a few years ago. The liver was the seat of anger. So, it made sense that my father was a dick to everyone these days. I didn’t see a change, though, as he glared at me.

  “You look like some gutter punk,” he said. “What the fuck did you do to your hair? Put something in it?”

  “I wouldn’t make comments if I were you,” I replied, patting my shirt. Again. I really needed a damn cigarette. “Your skin looks like it’s melting off your face. When’s the last time you even showered?”

  “A week ago,” he replied, and I grimaced at that. “I don’t have plumbing. Your rotten mother kicked me out. I don’t have money to turn my water back on.”

  “That sounds like a personal problem to me.”

  He glared at me again. “Some children take care of their parents, you know? Especially when times are tough. You’ve done nothing but cause us heartache and disappointment.”

  “You don’t sound disappointed when you ask me for money,” I said. “Excuse me. I need to go the liquor store.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  I stopped in mid-step with a sigh. There was no shaking my father. Either he wanted money or a free bottle of alcohol. I wasn’t in the mood to give either.

  Church bells rang, a sign that the wedding was about to begin. I gladly climbed the steps, with my father wheezing angrily behind me the entire time. I could deal with a church full of people over my father any day of the week.

  “What about the drink?” he shouted, raising a clenched fist at me. “You worthless piece of shit. Get back here!”

  The doors slammed shut behind me. I moved across the quiet lobby in the direction of the swinging doors. There was a flutter of movement down the hallway when I walked by, but I didn’t let myself look. I could hear the whispers, though.

  “He came. JJ actually came.”

  I pushed the doors open to find the small church decorated with white lace, flowers, and all that frilly shit I hated. The back two pews were the only places empty. Several heads swiveled around to look in my direction as I stepped over to sit in the right back pew. Whispers filled the air.

  I caught Dean’s eyes from where he stood next to the minister of the church. He was dressed up in a black tux as expected, looking freshly cut and shaved. Still looming and stringy, though. He offered me an apologetic smile from across the pews, but I shrugged my shoulders as I took a seat. None of this was Dean’s fault. He had done everything he could to defend me over the years, so I considered him one of my closest friends. He was also the only reason I graduated high school.

  This wasn’t about me today. That was what I wanted to yell at every single person who turned to look at me with a variety of expressions.

  I leaned back against the pew to wait for this entire shindig to be over with. I had promised Chuck that I would get on the next plane out to head back to Chicago and meet the buses. We had an event in Boston next week, but I was considering commuting out of Kansas tonight. Checking into the one and only hotel in Gypsum on the corner of Main Street had been an interesting affair. The young man behind the front counter had recognized my name the instant I had handed over my credit card. “You’re the famous Jude Jacobs?! Man! You’re a fucking legend around here. Your name is spray painted on the dirt bike track.”

  I made a mental note to go look for this dirt bike track. It was hidden, according to that kid. They had to hide it because no one in Gypsum wanted to have another accident.

  Tucking my hands into the front pockets of my pants, I leaned back to bounce a leg anxiously as the church doors finally opened. Four pairs of groomsmen and bridesmaids walked down the aisle together with their arms intertwined. Curiosity burned me from the inside as a sharply dressed couple walked down the aisle next. The maid of honor. The best man. All a perfect picture of unity and support for Emily and Dean’s wedding.

  Ava James.

  My breath hitched in my throat. Time had certainly done Ava James some good. Her dark locks were curled and shiny as they bounced about her shoulders and back. Gone was that teenage girl I remembered writhing beneath me in pleasure on that hot summer night before everything went to shit. Her heart-shaped face was still young, and her bright green eyes were still sexy as fuck, like a librarian in a porno. But she was also different.

  The woman walking down the aisle had a confident twitch to her ass, for one thing. Not to mention those luscious breasts that wanted to spill over the top of her bridesmaid dress. But it was still more than that. Maybe it was the touch of makeup giving her that lustful, womanly sparkle I was seeing. Makeup can do crazy things.

  “Shit,” I muttered under my breath, shifting in my seat. Just seeing her for the first time in years was already having a nice effect on my cock. I briefly wondered if Ava had been with anyone else since that summer night.

  Probably not, right?

  I had no idea if Ava even knew I was here at the wedding. Hell, I hadn’t thought I was going to be here this weekend. I couldn’t tear my eyes from her, though, as she took her spot at the head of the bridesmaids. The four of them leaned in to whisper to her before Ava’s eyes scanned the pews to land on me.

  Those cat-like green eyes widened visibly. Her peach-colored lips fell open, but she quickly schooled her expression when Emily started down the aisle with her father.

  The rest of the church rose to get a good look at Emily, dressed in a luxurious wedding gown. A chorus of “oohs” filled the church. I couldn’t look away from Ava, though, as she focused on Emily approaching the altar. If things could’ve been different—

  I shut down that train of thought quickly. I had spent years going over the different scenarios, and all of them involved having Ava in my arms at the end of the day. But this was the reality of my fucked-up choices over that summer. This was the reality of losing the only woman I’d ever really wanted, and still wanted. I had to deal with this reality, even if I didn’t want to.

  Chapter 2

  Ava

  Jude Jacobs.

  That name had enough power to knock the life right out of me. It had enough power to melt me like butter, too. It had enough power to do everything to me.

  My fingers tightened around the stem of my floral bouquet.

  It didn’t help that Jude Jacobs had gotten sexier since the last time I’d seen him. He was still tall, easily towering over everyone in the church, and tattoos peeked from behind the collar of his crisp white shirt. A black vest stretched over his broad chest. His eyes were still that piercing blue color that reminded me of glaciers. The only difference was his hairstyle, which appeared to be a pompadour with fingers raked through it. He looked even more dangerous, and the crowds in the pews looked back at him nervously.

  When it came to Jude Jacobs, no one knew what sort of danger he was getting into. It was like the man had invented the word himself.<
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  The floor threatened to give out beneath my feet when Jude looked directly at me with a small, appreciative grin tugging at his lips. Fiery trails erupted over my skin where his eyes skimmed.

  I forced myself to look at Emily as she walked down the aisle with her father. She looked as beautiful as ever with her white dress and perfect hair. Today was about her, not about the fact that Jude’s appearance was already sparking controversy in the church. I could feel the tension in the air, along with the hushed whispers.

  It was a mistake for Jude to come back to town. Everyone, including Emily, had tried to talk Dean out of sending an invitation to Jude’s manager’s office.

  Manager’s office. He was that famous now. Enough to have his own manager who sorted through all of his personal mail. I wondered how many angry letters Jude had gotten over the years since skipping town after high school graduation. After that summer.

  Then there was the other half, too. The enamored half of the town who thought JJ was a legend. It was mainly all those stupid young kids who thought dangerous tricks were a good way to make money because Jude had managed to make a career out of it. If they only knew the truth of how dangerous his crew had been, no rational person would encourage it.

  Tears prickled the back of my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to look back at Jude, even though I could feel his eyes wanting to burn holes right into my skin. I knew how dangerous those tricks of his were. It still haunted me every damn day.

  I managed to keep my composure throughout the exchange of wedding vows. After watching Emily and Dean share a passionate kiss, I made it a point to take John’s arm when he offered it. I kept my eyes focused on the floor as we walked back down the aisle in the direction of the church lobby while the chatter of family and friends echoed about.

  Marcie Keller, another bridesmaid, pointed out the obvious while we waited for the wedding planner to direct us across the street for the reception.

  “JJ still looks fucking hot,” she said, fanning herself. “I mean, he’s JJ, but he’s a man now. Did you see him, Ava?”

  I shrugged my shoulders as noncommittally as possible. “I haven’t seen Jude since high school.”

  “I don’t think I believe that.” Marcie gave me a long and piercing look. “I think you still have the hots. I see the way JJ is looking at you.”

  “He is not,” I hissed, adjusting the hemline of my dress.

  “I thought you said you didn’t see—”

  “Stop talking about it, Marcie. You have no idea what you’re saying, as usual.”

  Marcie looked affronted at that. “I do, too. Everyone could see it in the church.”

  “Everyone else has no idea, either. I don’t care that he’s here. He’s here for our friends. That’s it. So, just drop it. Okay?”

  “Fine,” Marcie said, shrugging. “I guess he’s up for grabs, then?”

  I’d never felt more relieved than when the wedding planner called everyone to the only restaurant and bar in town. I didn’t wait for the rest of the bridesmaids. Hell, I didn’t even wait for any of the other wedding guests, including my parents. I just wanted to get far away from Jude while I still could, before I fell back into that one place in my past that I didn’t want to go to. Hitching up the fabric of my dress, I exited the church doors to walk down the stone steps.

  It was hot and stifling outside compared to that air-conditioned interior. Sweat gathered at the back of my neck. My heels clicked against the only paved road in Gypsum as I made my way to the restaurant across the street. The inside of the restaurant was decorated thoroughly for Emily’s wedding reception. The smell of taco meat and onions filled my nose while I found my spot at the main table—far away from Jude. I sat down next to Emily’s chair while the rest of the wedding guests arrived at the reception.

  My parents were the first ones to walk through the reception doors with a stream of guests behind them. They approached the table with anxious expressions before Emily and Dean could make it to the table.

  It was my father who voiced his disapproval. “Did you know that Jude Jacobs was going to be here?”

  “I knew that he was invited,” I said, uncomfortable. “I didn’t think he was going to show up. None of us thought he would.”

  “He shouldn’t be here in the first place. That boy is too cocky, coming back here.”

  “Don’t make this about him,” my mother scolded, placing a hand on his arm. “This isn’t about Jude. This is Emily and Dean’s wedding. Don’t let that young man ruin everyone’s good time, Mark.”

  I looked up at my father as his jaw clenched. “Mom’s right, Dad. We all need to put on some happy faces for Emily and Dean. No one needs to go throwing punches at Jude.”

  “The bastard deserves it after what happened with your brother,” Dad choked.

  “Mark. This is not the proper time to talk about Andy.”

  “Memory Lane is closed,” I added sternly. Emily and Dean were crossing through the reception doors. “Just avoid him the best you can. That’s what I plan on doing.”

  “I hope so, Ava,” Dad said. “Remember your brother.”

  How could I not remember?

  I forced a cheerful smile on my face when Emily took a seat next to me.

  She didn’t waste any time, though, leaning in to whisper into my ear.

  “I knew that JJ was going to cause a ruckus.”

  “Don’t worry about him,” I said, forcing my voice to sound casual.

  “What do I do if he comes up here to congratulate us?” Emily asked. “Ignore him? Dean insisted that JJ would be hurt if we didn’t invite him to the wedding, but I tried to tell him that he probably wouldn’t even notice if we got married. No one has seen him in years.”

  “Yet half the town is in love with him,” I muttered, watching a group of people gather around Jude at the bar. “He didn’t even RVSP.”

  “Hoping he wouldn’t show up?” Emily suggested. “Or that he would show up?”

  “Maybe both,” I said honestly. “I don’t know what to think.”

  Emily placed a hand on my forearm. “Don’t worry about it, Ava. I really doubt that JJ would come talk to you. Not after what happened with Andy. That’s the main reason why he left. We all know it.”

  “I know, but he left for other reasons, too.”

  “I still can’t believe that he’s a superstar,” Emily said. “All those stupid tricks of his back then. Who knew that it would make him millions of dollars?”

  I swallowed thickly. “He proved every single one of us wrong. That’s for sure.”

  “You really haven’t talked to him since Andy?” Emily asked curiously. “I mean, the two of you were hot and heavy. You said that you and he went all the way.”

  “No need to hash out all the memories,” I said, clearing my throat. Just thinking of it made my body thrum. From the few rumors that I’d heard over the years, Jude’s reputation as a womanizer had been well-earned. “We aren’t here to talk about Jude. This is your wedding day, Emily. I’m not going to focus on him. This is all about you.”

  Emily beamed at me. “

  This is why you are my maid of honor. You’re never selfish. You never make anything about yourself.”

  “I thought it was because we’re good friends,” I replied, laughing. “I’m glad to be here. I couldn’t imagine being in New York right now, knowing that my childhood best friend is marrying her Prince Charming. Who happened to be my friend, too.”

  Everyone took a seat around the various tables in anticipation for toasts and dinner. I couldn’t help it. I found myself scanning the room to find which table Jude had settled himself at. I found him seated between a few cousins of Dean’s. They were wrapped up in what appeared to be a serious conversation as Jude cradled a glass of whiskey in his hands. He looked up at me suddenly. A seductive grin tugged at his lips when our eyes clashed together. The past and the future combined, all in one moment of time. It felt too stuffy and hot in the restaurant.

  Lo
ok away, Ava. Look away. Don’t fall for it.

  I couldn’t resist the tug, though. I need a shot of alcohol to get through this night.

  Scooting my chair back, I left the main table and headed over to the small bar to order a shot of rum to burn my nerves away. The small local band took their place on the stage in the corner of the restaurant to play a sultry jazz number that had everyone in the room getting out of their seats to sway on the dance floor. I looked back at the main table where Emily and Dean sat with their heads bent together, whispering something to one another.

  At least their love had survived past that summer and the many after that. Emily had stayed behind with Dean while the both of them immersed themselves in the Gypsum community. I had done the same thing that Jude had done—found my one-way ticket out of this shithole of a town. It was the only way that I could escape the last summer of hot days and happiness.

  “Hello, Ava.”

  Time had certainly not changed the gentle rumble of Jude’s voice, or how it flowed over me in a warm wave. I sucked in a deep breath to control the frantic pounding of my heart because I should’ve known better. There was no way in hell that Jude would leave me alone at the wedding reception. He’d rather take his chances in trying to talk to me than watch me from afar.

  He couldn’t resist a good risk.

  Chapter 3

  Jude

  The muscles in Ava’s slender neck stiffened at the sound of my voice. She turned slowly to look up at me with one hand clutching the end of the bar. Those cat-like green eyes were shielded when they looked up to meet mine. Standing this close after all this time was having a heavier effect on my brain than the few shots of alcohol I had taken before the reception. She smelled of vanilla. Her collarbone shimmered with glitter when she shifted beneath the dim lights. Her lips pouted slightly as she looked me up and down, and her eyes hooded with… disdain? Or was it desire?