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  Irritation bubbled in me. I nodded curtly to Chuck before stomping up into the bus without sparing Ava another glance. Fifteen fucking hours. I didn’t know how I was going to do it.

  Chapter 6

  Ava

  I looked out the window of Jude’s bus, feeling uneasy. The flat lands of Illinois had long since disappeared. It was too late to turn back now, even if a part of me desired it. I rubbed at my aching wrists after finishing up three short articles that my boss needed immediately for print tomorrow morning. I closed my laptop on the small table I’d been working at. I had situated myself here to keep my distance from Jude whenever I felt his presence overwhelming me.

  I didn’t care what Jude said. Riding on a bus for fifteen hours was not the most ideal way to travel to Boston. The next two days meant sleeping on the bunk beds outside of Jude’s private bedroom at the back of the bus. It meant sharing a bathroom with three men who didn’t care about cleanliness. It also meant being in close quarters with Jude at all times.

  I was used to rolling with the punches, but this was a stake in the heart, being so close to Jude without being able to touch him. I let my gaze settle on him. He was currently stretched out on the couch with his long and lean legs in front of him. His hands were clasped behind the back of his tattooed neck casually while he spoke with Chuck, who sat across from him. From afar, it wasn’t hard to see why legions of fans were in love with the idea of Jude Jacobs.

  Passion. Risk. A hint of darkness. He exuded all three. The cocky asshole could win any competition he wanted to race in, and he could get any woman he wanted. There was no doubt about that. But I knew the real Jude Jacobs was laying underneath all of that somewhere. No one knew the actual truth about his childhood, about his past. Not like I did, at least.

  His parents were the type who used to have screaming matches out on the front lawn. Everyone knew that the Jacobs family was a dysfunctional one. I couldn’t remember a day that Jude’s father and mother weren’t drunk, yelling at Jude, and then taking their anger out on one another. No one knew that the man they saw walking around with his hair in disarray and so many muscles and tattoos used to come running to our house to hide from it all. No one knew that he would hide beneath blankets with Andy and me when we camped out in the backyard because the monsters we imagined were real for him.

  All of that had changed over the years. Jude stopped coming by our house to hide from it all. He no longer sported dark bruises anymore, but his knuckles were cracked and scabbed from fights. He drowned his sorrows in a bottle instead of crying on my shoulder. My heart ached, thinking of that little boy beneath the man sitting across from me. He had made a living thriving off the pain of his childhood, but he couldn’t escape the consequences of living dangerously, either. It was a ripple effect.

  And that ripple effect had crashed through my entire family.

  “All finished?” Chuck called out, looking up from his iPad. “We can talk about the interview now?”

  Jude glanced over at me while I gathered up my pen and pad from inside of my leather satchel. I sat down on the little couch opposite him to keep distance. It put me on the other side of the table from Chuck, who turned to face me eagerly.

  “I have a few notes to hand over to you,” he said. “I have a lot of ideas for this piece. Maybe a long autobiography?”

  I clenched my teeth to keep control of my temper. I didn’t have a problem with Chuck, but he did seem overly bossy and protective when it came to handling anything with Jude. This piece was no exception.

  “Ava wouldn’t be here if we were doing that,” Jude replied calmly as he gazed at me with a small smile. “She grew up with me. She knows more about my family and childhood than you do.”

  “So, you plan to talk about all of that then?” Chuck asked.

  Jude shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah. Maybe it explains why I’m an asshole.”

  I bit the tip of my tongue to keep back my snarky remark to that. “I was actually thinking that we could do a three-thousand-word piece that my boss could publish. Just little snippets adding up to the final piece.”

  “What would be the final piece?”

  “Whatever Jude wants it to be,” I replied, looking over at Jude, who shrugged his shoulders again. “I don’t want to this to be an autobiography of his life. I could do all of that from home if I wanted to.”

  “I don’t care what you do as long as you appeal to his fans,” Chuck said. “Those fans are what got JJ to where he is. There is a dedicated legion of them buying our merchandise. They are following us around the six cities. They are the reason he keeps going. They are the money makers here.”

  “Endorsements, too,” Jude added. “We have a lot more endorsements this year.”

  Chuck nodded in agreement. “Yes, much more. He’s going to the top this one.” He grinned at Jude widely. “I’ve been a manager for many supercross athletes before. No one has the talent that JJ has. He lives on the edge, which is what it takes to make it in this sport. His bad boy appeal brings in a great female fan base as well.”

  Jealousy burned my chest, which irritated the hell out of me. Why was I so jealous of that? It didn’t surprise me that Jude’s appeal was sexual to many women. Resisting his charisma and charm was hard even for me.

  “I’m sure it does,” I responded coolly. “I’m sure his dick really loves that part of his job, too.”

  Jude burst out laughing. “Damn, Ava. I’m not some sort of man-whore here. I can’t even remember the last time I had sex.”

  “Don’t look at me,” Chuck said, holding up his hands up with a grimace. “I keep track of our schedule, and that’s all I keep track of.”

  My cheeks burned when Jude glanced at me. His icy eyes were a turbulent blue that reminded me of the ocean on a stormy afternoon. There was something lurking behind those eyes, waiting patiently. Something told me he hoped to break that streak soon.

  I shook that observation away before I let it go any further. “I don’t want to know. I’m just here to write the piece. That’s it.”

  “Send me drafts, if you can,” Chuck said. “I’ll need to approve them, of course. You understand that, right?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Whatever I write, you’ll get to read. I won’t write anything that isn’t the truth.”

  “That’s nice.” Jude snorted, shaking his head. “There are some things the general public doesn’t need to know about.”

  “Like the blanket you used to carry around as a kid?” I suggested, poising a pen over my notepad. “I think it had spaceships on it, right? That’s what it was. You were obsessed with Toy Story and Buzz.”

  “Keep that shit out of your piece,” Jude hissed, eyes flashing when I laughed. “I’m serious, Ava. I’d like to get laid in the future. That conflicts with my image here.”

  I rolled my eyes to mask the undertone of his other sentence. “Right. You’re the bad boy of motocross. No one can know that you once were a pretty decent guy who was sensitive.”

  “It’s an image, Ava,” Jude said. “It’s not who I am when I’m not on the racetrack. Keep that in mind for future reference when you see one of my races.”

  “They are amazing,” Chuck added, grinning excitedly. “It’s nothing like you’ve ever experienced. Just wait until the one in Boston. You’ll love it.”

  I turned to look out the window at the passing scenery because I didn’t care about going to these stupid races. A bubble of emotion filled me. I blinked back tears while Chuck and Jude continued their conversation without paying attention to me.

  Andy would’ve been excited to go watch these types of races. He had the same damn dreams that Jude had about becoming a motocross star.

  Yet, it was Jude who was sitting across from me with endorsements, a manager, a fancy tour bus with a trailer full of tools and bikes, and a legion of fans who wanted to know everything they could about him.

  I pressed my head up against the windowpane with a sigh. My parents had argued vehemently about me
going on this trip because of what happened. “You’re rubbing salt into the wound, Ava. Think about how your brother would feel about this. He wouldn’t be happy about it, and you know that.”

  He wasn’t here anymore, though. I knew what Andy would’ve wanted for all of us. The only reason why Jude seemed like the asshole in this situation was because he knew what Andy wanted, too—he wanted us all to keep living our lives the way we had dreamed about before the accident.

  * * *

  The steady rocking of the bus, along with the rumble of Jude’s voice, lured me into a deep sleep for the first time in weeks. I had spent several sleepless nights back in my apartment in New York, wondering if Jude would come to the wedding. My energy was spent from the entire weekend of apprehension but also being back home, where it was a shrine to my brother’s death. Everywhere I looked, I thought of him. That was why I had briefly considered turning Emily down about being her maid of honor. I didn’t want to come back to old memories. I didn’t want to come back to the possibility of Jude Jacobs being around, but I had agreed to write about him while following him around the East Coast. It was a strange turn of events.

  I woke up to the sound of a dirt bike engine, followed by soft cursing. Disoriented, I took in my unfamiliar surroundings before rolling over onto my back to find the one person I did not want to be next to.

  Jude glanced down at me with a small smirk. The upper half of his body, bare and cut with muscles, was propped up on pillows. A blanket was draped over the both of us, and in his lap was an iPad with a YouTube video playing. He hit pause when I sat up quickly to clutch the blanket to my chest.

  “What the hell am I doing here?” I fumed, shaking my head at him. “Jude. I told you no bedrooms.”

  “You fell asleep,” Jude said. “I brought you in here. Those bunk beds are a human rights violation.”

  I slipped off the rather comfortable and large bed with an aggravated sigh. “We need to set boundaries here because I know you. You’re going to keep doing things like this.”

  “Doing things like what?”

  He tossed the iPad onto the bed as he pushed the blanket away from the lower half of his body. My throat went dry when I realized that he was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs that gave a perfect view of his ample package. I sucked in a deep breath to calm my nerves, even though I was torn between giving in to that dark and wicked desire, and wanting to slap the shit out of him for being so forward.

  “Sweeping me into your room while you’re half naked,” I hissed, motioning a hand at the cramped room. “What the hell are you thinking?”

  “I’m not thinking about a damn thing,” Jude said as he came around the edge of the bed toward me. “I was trying to be nice, Ava. It’s uncomfortable sleeping out there. That’s all I was trying to do. To give you a place to sleep.”

  “I’m fine out there!”

  Jude sighed at me in irritation. “You’re overreacting to this. Just calm down a bit.”

  I took a step back when he closed the gap between us. I shook my head at him in disbelief because there were no coincidences when it came to Jude. He had pulled me in here for a reason. A reason that was working, much to my horror.

  I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the sharp hip bones that protruded from his boxers. A trail of dark hair shot down from his navel to disappear below the waistband of his boxers. He was big, too. Bigger than I remembered.

  “Hear me out,” Jude said, grasping my elbows in his hands. “Just listen to me when I say—”

  I twisted my elbows from his fingers. “No, Jude. You can’t do this to me. You have to understand how hard this is on me.”

  The sound of a car horn blaring took both of us by surprise. Then, the bus jerked off to the right, and I was tumbling down on the bed with Jude landing on top of me.

  Chapter 7

  Jude

  It was pure instinct to reach out and grab Ava by the waist as she toppled into me with a surprised gasp. We fell back against the bed with our legs dangling off the edge. The bus corrected a split second later. The sensation of Ava’s body beneath mine was more than enough to drive me wild with lust. Her chest heaved against mine as she braced herself against me, while trying to squirm away with wide eyes.

  Why couldn’t she just give in? Why did she have to be so damn stubborn about every damn thing when it came to us?

  I’d had plenty of women in this bed over the past couple of years. None of them felt right beneath me. Not like it felt when Ava clutched at my forearms as if she was trying to hold herself steady, or to push away from me. She didn’t know which one to do.

  And at the moment, I didn’t care if kissing Ava right now would risk her fighting back against me, like she had been. I had nothing to lose.

  I adjusted my weight to my elbows so that I could drape between her legs easily.

  “Jude,” she started, gasping. “Don’t. Don’t even think about it.”

  I crushed my lips against hers in a searing kiss that I felt deep inside of me. I kissed her madly, pouring every ounce of my tumultuous emotion into it. She tasted of minty Chapstick against the tip of my tongue as I slid it through the seam of her lips. I expected the tension in her body to build. I expected her to push me away like she did at the wedding reception.

  Instead, Ava’s hands shot up and tangled in my hair, kissing me back with just as much aggression. Her tongue tangled hotly against mine while she arched up into me with a throaty moan that instantly set my blood on fire. I carved a hand through the soft locks of her hair while letting my other trace the curves that I longed to memorize. I felt hot, suffocated by own my desires and tightening skin. My cock was straining against the fabric of my boxers as I ground myself against another seam of hers, letting out a guttural groan.

  She fought me with each kiss. Her fingers tugged hard at the back of my neck and hair, just as hard as my fingers were in hers. I didn’t care that Chuck was a few feet away, completely unaware of what was going on. I was going to bury myself deep inside of Ava without hesitation.

  I tore my lips away to sit up on my knees and reach for the hemline of her blouse. I pulled it up over her head to stare down at her perfectly toned stomach and ample breasts threatening to spill out of her bra. Her skin was flushed a pretty rose color as she laid there. I unclipped the front of her bra with a pounding heart.

  I was so painfully aroused that I couldn’t even think straight. It felt too good. Way too good to stop, even though a rational part of my brain told me this wouldn’t be a good idea. Her breasts were perky and fuller than I remembered from that summer. Her light pink nipples were already hardened in arousal. I glanced up at Ava’s darkened eyes as she sucked in deep and frantic breaths. Not willing to give her the chance to regroup her thoughts, I dipped down to suck in a pink nipple between my lips.

  Her reaction was instant. A sharp gasp left Ava’s lips while her back arched off the bed to push up against me, wanting even more. Her legs wound around my waist to pull me even closer. The tip of my cock pressed up against the fabric of those tight little capris pants she wore. I kneaded the liquid flesh of her breasts between my fingers while alternating kisses between the two of them.

  I rubbed at her right hip sensually with my free hand before reaching for the button of her pants. Ava jerked beneath me as she propped herself up on her elbows. A war raged in her eyes as she looked down at me.

  “Jude.”

  She reached for my hand, but I batted it away impatiently. There was no way in hell I would let her back out now. Not when I was rock hard and aching to be with her. I slipped a hand down the front of her pants, despite her hand trying to pull it away. My fingers slipped down to the heat and slickness of her core. The sensation of it nearly had me ripping off her pants and my boxers. A shudder went through my body at the feeling of her around my fingers and my eyes rolled.

  Ava’s head thumped back against the mattress in defeat. Her hips ground up against my hand while using my hips as a way to anchor herself a
gainst me. I found the bundle of nerves already throbbing with pleasure as I pressed the pad of my thumb against her. One of her hands cradled the back of my neck tightly as she stifled her moans with her other hand. Harder. Harder. I pressed harder because I wanted her to remember this peak. I wanted her to remember what it felt like to be with me. I wasn’t that shy boy that I had been back then. I knew my way around a woman’s body from years of experience.

  Sweat gathered at her top lip. Her hips were jerking in time with my fingers, and I felt that sweet flesh start to pulsate with the beginning of an orgasm. Oh, yes. Fuck yes. I was going to make Ava come right here.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  “Hey, JJ.”

  Cold water crashed over the both of us. My fingers stilled at the sound of Chuck’s voice on the other side of the door.

  “We’re pulling up to a gas station to fill up,” Chuck said. “Just wondering if you and Ava need anything. Or if y’all want to get out, you know, stretch your legs.”

  Damn it to hell, Chuck. You motherfucker.

  Ava slapped her hands on my shoulders to push me back with surprising strength. She scrambled out from beneath me as she reached for her bra and shirt on the bed.

  “Yes,” she squeaked out. “That would be great. I need some air and food.”

  “Ava,” I started with a frustrated groan. “Come on. Don’t go.”

  Ava shook her head at me with furious eyes. “You can’t just expect to kiss me and make everything between us peachy. It’s not ever going to be the same.”

  “You can’t tell me that you don’t want me,” I growled and grabbed both her ankles.

  I tugged her back down the mattress to grind myself against her again. I kept one eye trained on her expression to see if anything changed, and it did.

  I watched as that tumult of desire to pull me close and to push me away warred over her. She went stiff beneath me.